RIP, Belinda (story by Jill prompted by Jennifer's image)

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Jennifer gave me this image on October 16, 2021. She said, "You're great with teen angst. Maybe you can catch someone's hair on fire or something crazy." So, that's what I did. I wanted it to be so absurd that it's funny. Not sure if I got there. But here ya go!

RIP, Belinda

We were trained to never stop a performance—no matter what. That’s what our high school band director had always emphasized. So, you can see how confusing it was for us the evening that Belinda died. 

No one had ever actually coached us on what to do if one of our classmate's hair caught fire from a faulty firework and she was rolling around in agony because none of us would stop and help her. In our defense, we had been trained to just keep smiling and pretending like distractions weren’t actually happening. Our director had always told us if we’d just keep putting on the show with enthusiasm, no one would notice (or at least focus on) the mistake—no matter what it was. 

He was wrong, but we’d taken him at his word. We were just kids, you know?

Plus, when the faulty firework struck the back of Belinda’s head, we still had two dance breaks and a drumline feature to get through before the end of the performance. And, goddamn, we weren’t going to skip those elements before we marched off that field! 

That’s what he’d always said to do... keep going.

Truly, no one really wanted to kill Belinda; she was a valuable member of the marching band. Rumor had it she’d be chosen as drum major the following year… if she had lived. 

None of us thought she was going to die. 

I mean, could the trombones have marched around her instead of trampling her body?

Sure… hindsight proves crushing her wasn’t their best choice. 

But in the moment, that’s what happened because, again, from freshman year on, we'd been trained to keep on going. 

Don’t deviate from the patterns. 

Keep smiling. 

No one will notice any mistake if you just keep going and smiling. 

But… the crowd actually did seem to be noticing. People in the stands were screaming at us to stop, and some were trying to charge the field. 

It was happening so quickly; we were scared and confused. 

I think some of us thought the crowd was cheering us on. 

I mean, they weren’t...

You have to remember we were kids who’d been told to just keep going and smiling. 

We weren't trying to kill our classmate. There was no intent, you see.

It can be debated either way and often is at class reunions that the evening Belinda died was our most dynamic performance. The energy that we were radiating while trying to overcompensate for the fire—and the death—was indescribable.

No. Belinda shouldn’t have died that night. 

At least we all agree on that.


—Jill Cullen (written 10.22.21; updated March 3, 2025)


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