You Won't Believe What Rick Did! (story by Jill prompted by Jennifer's photo)

 

Jennifer gave me this photo on August 15, 2021. I wanted to write about a chaotic graduation party where everything went wrong but, at least, the cake was good. I started it a couple ways but then decided it may be the most amusing as a one-sided conversation and came up with this idea...

You Won't Believe What Rick Did!

    “Hello,” the woman beside me practically barked into her phone. I sort of shifted my body away from her, trying to get as far as possible from not so much her but from her loud voice.

    “Oh, my god! You’re not going to believe what Rick did!” I was hoping this story was bus appropriate. I glanced across the aisle at three younger kids and their mom. “Yeah, at Megan’s party.” She paused. And then, “Yes, I invited him. Of course, I did! He’s her freakin’ father! I didn’t have a choice.” She listened for a couple seconds. “Well, I had to. Plus, he offered to pay for half of it, so there’s that too. I could hardly afford my half! So, really, I didn’t have much of a choice. But it could have been okay if he wasn’t such an asshole!”

    I glanced at the woman with the kids. Her eyes said to me, “Can you make her shut up?” I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders.

    Then I startled at, “Yeah, well, that was mild compared to this!” The whole eye conversation I was having with the mom almost made me forget about the annoyance that had started the exchange in the first place.

    “Well, this time he truly outdid himself,” she shouted. “Can you hear me? You’re breaking up. I said, ‘This time he outdid himself!’”

    I glanced over at her and just sort of stared for a few seconds. She was truly oblivious to anyone around her.

    “Bonnie, can you hear me? Can you … Yep, yep, now I can hear you better. Okay, so anyway, as I was saying. Rick is the biggest...” (I braced myself for something even worse than asshole and silently pleaded with the mom to hold the kids’ ears.) “...jerk!” The mom and I both let out our breath. “No, but let me tell you what he did at Megan’s p-” She put her hand up and shifted in her seat. “I know! I remember when you told me Jason did that! That is about as disgusting as it gets! But let me tell you about what Rick did because that will seem mild compared to it! I’m serious, Bonnie! You will fall off of your seat! And you had better be sitting down for this one!”    

    My eyes opened wide, and I actually said out loud, “Maybe you shouldn’t say it on the bus.” But she was in her own word and didn't acknowledge me.

    “Well, we always knew that Jason was an asshole.” (I grimaced and looked at the oldest kid, who clearly had heard the word said again.) “We knew that before you married him. We could all see it but you. What?” She paused, and I watched the oldest child whisper something in his mom’s ear. “Well, yeah, we knew Rick was a jerk too. We all know that—even me! I only married him because I was pregnant with Megan! What was I gonna do? I mean, you know there was nothing I could do about it. I had no choice. Anyway, let me tell you about the party. Wait… Bonnie, are you there? You’re breaking up again.” She pulled her phone away from her ear and looked at it. Then she put it back to her ear and said, “Bonnie, are you there? Bonnie? Bon … Yeah, that’s better. I can hear you now.” She glanced over her shoulder, out the window. “Listen, Bonnie, I need to tell you what Rick did at Megan’s party. You will not believe this shit!” She stood up and pulled the cord for the next bus stop and started to walk toward the front of the bus.

    I listened to her voice trail off (“Well, he has a lot of balls. You know that about Rick, but, anyway, let me tell you what he did at the party already!”) as I watched her walk away and get off the bus.

    I looked over at the mom. We stared at each other for a couple seconds, and then we both burst into laughter. After a couple seconds, I composed myself. “I mean,” I said to her, “I hope the cake was at least good.” 

—Jill Cullen (written August 23, 2021. I got married on 8-21-21! Jenn photographed my wedding!)